BRIAN'S BOWLING BLOG: LAS
VEGAS/USBC Open Edition: the aftermath
I’m back from Nationals!! The
experience was, of course, challenging and enjoyable at the same time.
Had two rather enjoyable
flights there & back on AirTran. Not to knock Midwest, but these
guys had personality. The pilot out there sounded like a dead ringer
for Glen Quagmire (sans the trademark “giggity”). On the
return flight, our flight attendants were missing the flamboyant
clothes worn by David Alan Grier & Damon Wayans on the old show In
Living Color (“Men On…” running skit). Think:
“…as a three-dollar bill.“ Both flights: LOTS of
subtle advertising (keeping my costs down). Bonus: in-flight Sirius-XM
music at NO cost!
It’s also both good and
bad to see at least part of Sin City stuck in the 70’s. However,
one’s hotel room should not be part of that. My wife Natalie
& I stayed at the very retro Sahara. Decent property for the price
(read: cheapskate husband), but needed some capital improvements (or at
least, a wrecking ball). Everywhere you looked: wallpaper straight from
the Rat Pack days (and that was the last time it was installed). Music
in the steakhouse that wasn’t recorded later than 1973 (and since
most of you know I handle the music for Cosmic Cash, I BETTER know my
music). Our room: furniture from the Carter administration, our
23rd-story room actually had an outward-opening window (great for those
persons looking for one more thing to go wrong in their lives, and a
sad, easy way out), and the “cable television” had about a
dozen channels (plus Spanktravision pay-per-view at a minimum of $7 for
a second-fun film). Lemme think… the room thermostat was
governed by the outdoor temperature exclusively (with a fan that made
more noise than Natalie and my combined snoring)… the toilet
swirled for a good minute before claiming its deposit (probably out of
spite)… carpeting that had wet spots upon check-in (EWW)…
and then there was the sewer gas!!!
And, of course, it wouldn’t be Sin City without prostitution. Not
sure about any other property, but at the Sahara, it seemed to be a
prime meeting spot for “clients” and their
“dates”. The Sahara’s crack-pot security force (from
the Mayberry era) actually stopped a few, um,
“transactions” from taking place.
Day one:
Natalie & I arrived too early for check-in, so we hopped in our
rental car and took a drive up to the Cashman Center. Then, we decided
to keep driving along Las Vegas Boulevard. Really interesting stuff
happens when you get out of the tourist zone. Very seedy, indeed. Got
as far north as Nellis AFB and the Speedway, then turned around and got
settled in. Got solicited from the fine(?) folks at the Tahiti Village
booth, and we actually agreed to take the two-hour tour of the dump (in
return for two show tickets and a $50 food credit at the Sahara AND a
$40 deposit on my part). After a quick nap, we ended up going off the
board for dinner at Joe’s Crab Shack. Discovered I didn’t
have the right slacks required for the Tournament, so found an outlet
mall near Mandalay Bay. Dropped a couple of twenties into some
machines, and we held our own for a while. Natalie decided to head off
to bed, so I stayed for a bit more. Then, bought a bit of beef jerky
(hard as rock), bit into one, and promptly broke off a tooth!! (it was
a tooth that was repaired some time ago, complete with root canal and a
post installed… and the post snapped clean). Wonderful!! This is
on top of an already-compromised bowling thumb (deep cut on it).
Day two: Got our wake up call. Only problem was,
we didn’t leave one with the desk!! Turns out that Natalie &
I slept through the cattle call for Tahiti Village. Well guess what? I
am missing a tooth, and (although it didn’t hurt or anything), I
told them that that was the highest priority on my list today. (and,
due to the bowling schedule on Days 3&4, was not going to make any
attempt to see property I had absolutely no intention of purchasing and
was willing to write off the $40 as a “bad bet”). Made it
upstairs (after dodging a SECOND Tahiti Village resort booth) to the
buffet for brunch. It’s bad news when the only thing good about
it was the fresh watermelon and the soda.
Then Natalie & I drove three hours to Area 51!! Seriously!! Had a
very pleasant drive along the Great Basin Highway (US95) to the
Extraterrestrial highway (Nevada 375) to a little town called Rachel,
NV, and a kitschy place called the A’Le’Inn (pronounced
“alien”). Lots of cute stuff there, food consumable (but
nothing to write home about), picked up a few souvenirs, and headed
back before dark. A good thing, due to the free range cattle that
basically own the place (including the highways). Hit one of those
babies, and you’re toast. Pushed our rental up to 90 for quite a
ways. Took another nap when we got back, and then ate dinner at the
steakhouse inside the Sahara. This restaurant was the culinary
highlight of the facility, bar none. Came complete with a little
“Jean Phillipe” maitre’d, although a bit older and
greasier. The guy probably has stockpiles of Brylcreem from ‘74.
Got done, gambled a bit more (with a few gains) and then dodged the
hookers & their johns and went to bed. Ahh yes, the sewer
gas…
Day three: Intentionally slept in. Decided to take
Natalie up to Margaritaville (at the Flamingo). We took the Monorail
(only because I didn’t want to deal with an unknown valet there
and it was quite quicker). Got to see the back end of the Strip.
Natalie was impressed. Had a very good lunch (albeit a bit undercooked
for my taste), complete with a full multimedia experience duplicating
an erupting volcano during a videotaped concert. Too bad their video
sound system sounded like trash (kind of like when the T&C
counterpersons have to dink with the cosmic sound system). En route
back
to the Monorail, Natalie wanted to try a Press Your Luck machine out
while I went to place a bet for someone at the Sports Book. When I
caught up to her, she was significantly ahead! In fact, she had that
machine approaching $100 in credits. At one point during a bonus round
(and it’s a bank of machines that, when ONE machine enters a
bonus, ALL OF THEM do simultaneously), she had a peanut gallery behind
her and she was yelling NO WHAMMYS!! Cashed out at $100 and hopped back
to get the car & the bowling ball.
Yes, I brought the bowling
ball on the plane. I’ll admit that my bowling isn’t the
best it could be, and I know how tough (read: unplayable) the Open shot
is, but I certainly didn’t need a dozen balls. Far cheaper to pay
the $15 on AirTran each way then it was to pay nearly $50 each way with
the USBC Bowling Ball Express. Sorry… I know it’s
convenient, but it’s a ripoff, IMHO. Got to Cashman finally.
Never got issued parking passes that supposedly went to team captains
to hand out, so got raped for the aforementioned $3 per day to park.
Their food there lacked in value and diversity. Special thanks to
Brenda Warrenburg & Kristi Dangutis for filling in on our team at
the last minute.
OK, I know this is a difficult time for a lot of folks out
there… but this tournament was scheduled far enough in advance
that, if the two bowlers on my team (heck, if ANY bowler) had to quit
due to any reason, including finances, there was plenty of time to
notify someone. The eleventh hour was NOT the time (unless, of course,
someone had a bona fide emergency).
All of us struggled with the
goofy shot that the USBC Open is famous (or infamous) for. A suggestion
for future venues: make the spectator area a bit more spacious?!?! Two
rows with limited access points is just dumb (particularly for Vegas). All
said & done, the thumb & knee held out for me. Got back to the
mighty Sahara, had a quick burger in the coffee shop (stuck in the
sev-en-TEES!!), and headed off to bed. No wait… Natalie is
guiding me towards some machines… it’s another ganged
bonus bank, this time: Monopoly! All said & done, it was 3 AM,
Natalie put in $40 and cashed her ticket for $90, and I deposited $20
& got back $200!
Day four: Natalie decided to sleep in (well duh!)
so I made the trip to Cashman by myself. Discovered that I won $10 in
team brackets (woo-hoo!) , so that meant a trip downtown to Binions.
Bowled like crap (despite a more favorable line for me). Yes, a sub-500
series in singles. So proud… almost snapped said same knee off
as it buckled in frame 29 of singles. Went back, got Natalie, and
headed to Binions. Got my $10, spent it on 99-cent shrimp cocktails at
Golden Gate (ok, not ALL of it, but we did have two each, plus soda).
Walked up & down a bit… ate dinner at Tony
Roma’s…dropped some more gaming money…. and bought
shirts in the back of Binions from a guy that made those two flight
attendants macho. Paid with my three-dollar bills (heehee) and headed
up the elevator built for two to the car. Thank goodness for parking
validation. Got back, gambled a bit more, and finally retired for the
night. Couldn't tell the sewer gas anymore. The onion loaf took care of
that quite well, thank you.
Day five:
It’s all said… now it’s done. Got packed up and
headed back to drop our rental car off. Got back to the airport, saw a
nice line waiting for us. Also saw a couple of REALLY big guys there.
And, since AirTran only operated four flights departing Vegas daily,
and three of ‘em didn’t happen until later in the day, it
was safe to say the big dogs were coming back with us. OK Brian, get
that credit card out… time to UPGRADE!!!
Special props to the file
folks that run General Mitchell International Airport, especially in
the baggage handling area. I have traveled out of MKE for almost every
trip I’ve ever taken, and it seems that almost EVERY time, they
cannot get their luggage straight. Natalie asked the gate supervisor
where our luggage would be, and was told “Carousel Four”.
The TV screen confirmed it… “Carousel Four”. Actual
point of return: “CAROUSEL FIVE”! Can’t these bozos
read numbers?!? Can’t they communicate?!? (Answers: no, and no.)
It took a hunch on my part to walk over to #5 to see our luggage coming
out. OK, I was a good guy and yelled back to the crowd that #5 was the
carousel of choice.
Finally made it back home in
Elkhorn around 6. Ordered a pizza, ate some, and started writing.
Thanks to my team… sorry I didn’t do better. Special
thanks to Merrill for his efforts in keeping this as organized as
possible, even in spite of the cancellations.
Reno in ‘10 and
‘11 next. Already verbally agreed to bowl, but with a guy I work
with at Snap-on. His team took a hit this year as well… got a
couple of guys as subs from California, and they wanted to PAY him for
2010’s Reno event!
Hope those that went, had a
great time. Remember that a bad time in Vegas always, ALWAYS beats a
good time at work!
/Brian
Addendum: Yes, I talked about Battista's Hole In The Wall. Never made
it, so I can't tell you if the free vino tasted like (_(_) or not. Also
mentioned using Paradise Rd. Saved my butt getting back to the airport
that last day. Time to start researching Reno...